SEVEN TYPES OF FACEBOOK USERS

 Facebook has become a revolutionary tool of communicating, social networking and making friends and foes. Yes, even foes easily keep in touch and stoke their feuds, long distances notwithstanding. Family disputes are now tabled and resolved on Facebook with inputs welcome from any passerby interested in the affair.

Some marriages have also collapsed, unraveling right before our eyes, on the social platform, as dirty linens are shamelessly washed in public.

The mass protests and revolutions sweeping across North Africa and the Middle East have been linked to the awareness, mobilization and critical mass for change that was ignited using the social network.

Facebook is now a veritable tool for political campaigns and a platform for declaration of political aspirations as Goodluck Ebelemi Jonathan demonstrated to his teeming supporters. General elections are now monitored and have taken a different hue with the advent of the social media.

It is therefore imperative to analyze who the users of the social forum are. From my experience, Facebook users can be categorized into seven broad types.

1. THE MOLES

The moles creep into your network of friends insidiously. They usually initiate the friendship. They bear names like “Boris Yeltsin” from Russia. Moles have hundreds and sometimes thousands of friends on the network if you bother checking their profile. But the strange thing is that they have never posted anything or responded to any post – ever!

Their Facebook profile picture is usually abstract and inoffensive. All the years they have been on Facebook, nothing has ever been on their minds and no post by any of their contacts has been interesting enough to catch their fancy for them to make a comment. It is as if they are ghosts.

Perhaps because of my suspicious turn of mind and a wild imagination, I suspect that the moles are “planted” either by the State Secret Service (SSS), Interpol or the Facebook team to gain information or just keep a tab on things! They get a feel of what’s afoot or buzzing on the network from the moles.

This reminds me of the man that ranted and cursed a Nigerian state governor on FB and was subsequently picked up and detained by the Nigerian Police. I shudder to think what the Interpol or SSS will do to me now for revealing the modus operandi and inner workings of their moles?

It could be reasonably argued though that the “mole” Facebook accounts belong to people who have passed on or created a new profile and abandoned the old. But I’m sticking to the mole theory. It sounds more exciting!

2. THE SELF-ABSORBED CELEBRITIES

They are extremely annoying, very popular, unapologetically conceited and on an unending ego trip. They usually have a minimum of about 10,000 contacts or fans. Competition is rife among the celebs to have the highest number of contacts or fans. They frequently announce in all “modesty” the number of zealots following them on twitter or that are stuck to their Facebook page and walls, clinging like vines or as if they have nothing better to do with their lives.

The large following validates and establishes in their small minds their celebrity status.  They usually post the gamut of dramatic emotions, from the mundane to the most titillating self-centered post you could ever imagine. The world is seemingly at their feet and the earth revolves around their personal axis. They don’t tolerate dissenting voices to their “ME” posts.

A typical trashy post could be: “I just farted!” Immediately, over 5000 people will like it. Another 6000 will comment on the post, complimenting them on the quality of their fart. Others will wish on their wall that they could fart as elegantly as the celebs! I consider them a bunch of annoying retards!

3. QUOTERS

They are an interesting breed. All they ever post are curious and tragic quotations taken from books and sometimes, from their putrid stench, evidently picked up from the gutters, sewage and garbage dumps. The quotes are just dropped on your plate with no explanations. It could be a quote from Adolph Hitler or Osama Bin Laden urging all “zealots” to create some havoc or cause deadly destruction.

This bland group lacks any originality and seemingly has nothing interesting enough happening in their everyday lives to share with us or for the moles to write in their weekly report or briefings. They are a disappointing and predictable lot, honestly.

4. RANTERS, RAVERS AND PUFFERS

It is best to keep away from this group. They are misery personified. They can turn your joy to sorrow just by reading one of their posts on an otherwise beautiful day. They are annoyed with everything and everyone. They rant about organized religion, sex, the government, their employer, their children/wards, television, global politics, FIFA and the world at large.

Their Facebook notes or tirades are countless. They engage in petty quarrels with unseen people or unknown forces! A typical post will be: “I thought you were a friend but you stabbed me in the back! I’m going to get you!” The moles usually keep a close tab on these angry souls. They could easily be recruited as underwear bombers.

5. THE PREACHERS

The preachers simply preach. These are the imams, priests and pastors that teach on Facebook. Their intent is to engineer spiritual change, stamp out societal follies and save your soul and the world at large from self destruction.

They quote copiously from the Bible, Koran, Talmud, proverbs of the ancestors and other holy books. Unfortunately, not many appreciate or thank them for this selfless and noble service or even bother reading their posts.

There are complaints that the preachers often can’t stomach dissenting opinions or voices. It is their way or the highway! The moles usually keep a close tab on the preachers. An Osama Bin Laden recruiting suicide bombers or a Pastor Jones itching to burn the Koran could be developing. A typical post will be: “Beware ye stiff-necked people, the end-time clock is ticking away!”

6. THE INFORMANT

The informant keeps everyone updated. They have the latest gist, gossip and scandal at their fingertips and dish the dirt with glee! Their posts are usually interesting and scandalous. The Self-Absorbed Celebrities find the Informants irritating as they expose their secret lives. The moles however love the informant as they provide enough materials to report weekly to their bosses and appear busy.

If you need information on the latest movie showing at the cinemas, the workings of the new ipad or the latest YouTube post that has gone viral, you check out what the informant has posted.

7. PICTURE IMPERFECT

These set of users only post personal pictures on Facebook and tag almost everyone on the social network. Oh, for the love of Mike! Not you again! I usually groan to myself as they tag me in yet another unflattering picture of themselves, smiling as usual with crooked teeth, squinting with crossed eyes and for Pete’s sake, is that a mustache on her upper lip?! OMG!

Their endless pictures posts chronicle every event of their sad existence. You can write the story of their lives just by looking at the pathetic and unsightly pictures. Their contacts that are frequently tagged have little option other than to compliment them while they make a grimace of excruciating pain.

It is possible though that Facebook users may not neatly fit into any one of these seven boxes or types. They are most likely a mix of some of these broad categories at one point or the other. If we look honestly at the man in the mirror, we will identify our natural dispositions on Facebook.

Warning: Some parts of this article were written tongue in cheek.

Which type are you?

 

TOP 5 REASONS NIGERIANS ARE VOTING FOR GEJ EN MASSE!

- He is from the South South

In Nigerian parlance, that usually means it is their time or turn to chop. Let the national cake go round even if no one is baking. This sentimental reason echoes sadly our regional, ethnic and religious divides. Cleavages which no right thinking Nigerian should encourage or perpetuate. It is past due date to throw these antiquated divisions out of the nearest window.

- He is from the Niger Delta

The logic is that GEJ understands the plight of the average Niger Deltan, has their support, knows the roots of their agitation, and has a solution to the issues of the crisis ridden region. The proverbial goose that lays the nation's golden egg and where he hails from. But I can't see how that has panned out though. In 2007 GEJ suffered bad luck when his house in Otouke, in the Ogbia Local Government Area of Bayelsa State was bombed by militants, killing four policemen. Under his watch in 2010, MEND detonated twin bomb blasts at our 50th Independence Day Anniversary Celebration in Abuja, the nation's capital. The celebration was marred and several lives lost. The Presidency has however gone to town popping champagne and celebrating that militants have repented and turned their swords to plowshares. The President posted as much on his facebook page. Some militants were even sent abroad for training and rehabilitation. Rehabilitating militants is not the ultimate solution to the crisis in the restive region. There is an urgent need to address the injustices, environmental degradation, unemployment and lack of basic infrastructures in that enclave. Those are the real fundamental issues. Militancy is just an offshoot or symptomatic of the general malaise. Guess it is good luck to the Niger Delta region.

- He didn't have shoes when he was growing up

That campaign is sheer drivel and the message is so infantile there is hardly any point stressing the illogicality and lack of correlation between not wearing shoes as a child and becoming a vibrant, visionary & charismatic leader as an adult. It is probably an appeal at our emotional vulnerabilities. Tugging at our heart strings to vote out of pity and pity ourselves afterwards. What a pity party we will have then!

- His name is synonymous with Good Luck

As such, he is a child of providence. Another infantile postulation. No great nation or any worthwhile endeavour was ever built or achieved by luck alone. The prisons and long list of condemned criminals all over the country are filled with people having fancy good luck names as well. Luck is fickle.

- He has brought an end to fuel scarcity and long agonizing queues at filling stations

Please are the refineries now working at full capacity? Is GEJ treating symptoms again rather than the ailment? Is importing fuel the good luck charm or inspired long term solution to the issue of fuel crisis? Rather than reviving the comatose or dead refineries? I shake my head sadly.

Please vote for GEJ if you find these 5 top reasons compelling enough. I do not.

WHY SHOULD WE BOTHER VOTING?

Some Nigerians have made up their minds not to vote during the forthcoming elections because they believe the politicians will rig as usual. Rather than engage in the futile exercise of voting in vain, they will not bother voting at all. Voter apathy is high and many have decided to sit on the fence.

Why must Nigerians vote during the 2011 April polls? Has anything really changed that's worth the effort? Won't the politicians rig themselves into office as usual? What difference would the genuine votes make against the established rigging machinery? How much difference will their votes make against the humongous fraudulent ballots? Why not sit on the fence and watch? Adopt the "siddon look" approach?

Well, one problem with sitting on the fence for too long, according to David Lloyd George, is that the iron on the fence enters your soul. When you sit on the fence it is also easy to be shot from either side by the warring parties. Another reason not to sit on the fence, according to John Locke, is that the only fence against the world (and despicable politicians) is a thorough knowledge of it. You don't get that knowledge by sitting on the fence. You have to get off that fence sometime; otherwise no progress will be made. Wherever an opportunity or choice is given, one should exercise that right. That’s why we must not sit on the fence but choose! Let our voice be heard through our votes. Only actions give life strength.

We must decide, who among those aspiring for public office, best fits our vision of a leader. We can easily identify a leader. A leader is someone who walks the talk, someone who knows the way and can show the way. A leader is one with a proven track record that can turn around the tide of slippage. After identifying the candidate of our choice, we must act to support our decision.

We all need to take a stand. Our power lies in our choice, our vote.  All that might be needed to deter a burglar from robbing a house is the sound of a barking dog or voices speaking in the house. If we all sit quietly on the fence, the era of stolen mandates and rigged elections will not come to an end. We must let our voices be heard by casting our votes and protecting those votes as much as we can. Even if the preferred candidate isn't the perfect or the ultimate true leader, he should at least be heading in the right direction and be markedly different from those in the times past who got us to this sorry state. It is time to start the journey to building a new Nigeria - wielding our powerful votes as the weapons of change.

Prof. Attahiru Jega, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) Chairman, seems to be a man of integrity and honour, determined to deliver free and fair polls. But he is just one man and can't do it alone.

Nigeria won’t make it out of the doldrums without the determination of the people to rescue themselves from poor leadership and governance.

The change we want may not come in one day. But the ship of democratic change and good governance will eventually berth in our country if we are resolute about the change initiative. We need to empower ourselves with knowledge and vote for capacity and capability and not religious leanings or ethnic background. It is by practicing the democratic tenets that we can strengthen our democratic processes and institutions.

Make that decision to vote! There is no value-added to the democratic ethos by being apathetic. Our effectiveness in bringing about positive change is zero when we don’t care.

IT ISN'T THE END OF THE WORLD YET!

There was a time when twin babies were killed in some parts of Nigeria out of superstitious ignorance. The babies were thought to be evil and were cruelly murdered while their mothers were driven from their homes to die in the jungle. That was until Mary Mitchell Slessor of Aberdeen, Scotland brought enlightenment and stopped the barbaric act.

There was also a time when men thought that the world was flat. The erroneous belief was also held by some religious clerics and became religious dogma. Eventually, overwhelming evidence proved that the earth was spherical.

Contrary beliefs or opinions to widely held tenets or doctrines were sometimes punishable by death in ancient times.

We should be able to discard prejudices and inherited antiquated ideas, no matter how dearly we hold them, especially in the face of superior logic or overwhelming evidence.

I've received some Facebook, SMS and BlackBerry messages from friends that got me worried lately. They insist I should forward some messages advocating that the end-time has finally arrived because of the earthquake in Japan. The quake also triggered a tsunami that made it to the shores of California, Oregon and Seattle. The 30-foot-high tsunami brought catastrophe to thousands of people.

The messages I received, point at increasing technology and natural disasters happening everywhere, wars and rumours of war. And that Jesus may be on his way back, possibly riding on a chariot of fire. We just have to be on our toes, they warn!

But even as Christians or believers, the scriptures advise that even the angels in heaven do not know the date nor the hour of the second coming of Christ. And clearly states that this coming will be like a thief in the night. I doubt they will be any electronic advance warning via SMS or BlackBerry.

What exactly is going on then in Japan? Is it not a sign that doomsday has finally arrived?

Historical facts and figures show that earthquakes have always happened around the Pacific Ring of Fire.

The Ring of Fire is a zone of frequent earthquakes and volcanic eruptions that encircles the basin of the Pacific Ocean. It is shaped like a horseshoe and it is 40,000 km long. It is associated with a nearly continuous series of oceanic trenches, island arcs, and volcanic plate movements. It is sometimes the circum-Pacific seismic belt.

90% of the world's earthquakes and 81% of the world's largest earthquakes occur along the Ring of Fire. Tsunamis come when the quakes occur under the ocean and the earth’s crust or tectonic plates collide. Sliding past each other they sometimes get stuck. The problem occurs when they try to become unstuck. The quake in Japan was as a result of the Pacific plate crashing into the Eurasian plate.

In summary, Japan lies on fault lines of the earth. Japan's worst previous earthquake was of 8.3 magnitude and killed 143,000 people in Kanto in 1923. A magnitude 7.2 quake in Kobe killed 6,400 people in 1995.

In 1923, the news of such devastating earthquake would not have shocked the entire world in mere seconds as it has done in 2011. Those in neighbouring countries may have felt the vibrations but would not have known what exactly occurred. Different versions of the event will eventually be relayed as oral folklore as time went by.

We are actually able to view pictures of the devastation, in real time, thanks to technology. More people are now able to access information about such disasters that were previously unavailable until weeks, months or even years after the event.

Earthquakes have always happened along that fault line but we just have more access to information and news travels faster to a global audience. Countries sitting on the circum-Pacific seismic belt are bound to experience earthquakes. We are fortunate that our dear country Nigeria isn't on this belt. But we do have the mid-atlantic ridge threatening our coastlines such as Port Harcourt, Lagos, especially around the Lekki environs. What should probably trigger the doomsday warning bell is when the unusual starts occurring. When, for instance, catastrophic earthquakes inexplicably start happening in countries that are not sitting on fault lines, then we should be worried and possibly go to town with end-time predictions. That indeed will be a mystifying, fearful event and a great sign from heaven.

There are probably not more earthquakes happening recently as end-time or doomsday prophets may aver. It is just that we hear about them instantly now. Some religious persons have even attributed the catastrophe to the "sins" of the Japanese people.

Please let's reach out to the people of Japan in these difficult times and set aside the unfounded religious supposition and false innuendoes.

SNARES OF THE POLITICAL SEASON

The season of politicking is here again. It is always with us anyway. But the heat has intensified. Same old politics of rancour, bitterness and do-or-die.

Unrepentant politicians are up to their usual antics. They "rent" or "purchase" crowds of the downtrodden and unemployed for ragtag rallies. They employ and provide sophisticated arms to thugs and hire assassins to eliminate political opponents. They have stepped up their diabolical game in recent times and now detonate bombs at political events and in public places, maiming and killing hundreds.

University and polytechnic students short on cash and common sense are also recruited to swell political support for as little as N1000.

The unwary, the clueless and the unthinking, as usual, will fall prey to these vicious predators.

Religious extremists and incredibly crafty politicians need canon fodder to achieve their objectives. Osama Bin Laden, for instance, isn't going to blow up himself or his children as martyrs in a suicide bomb attack. Not at all. He is way too smart for that. It is the clueless morons, the misinformed, misled and misguided followers that he will recruit as suicide bombers - the expendables. The likes of 24 year old Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab popularly referred to as the "Underwear Bomber".

Those who can't or won't think for themselves are easily lured by fanatical teaching, false dogma or the lure of easy money.

Intelligent and smart people don't bother me during this season. It is those who are clueless and gullible that get me worried. They are often cannon fodder.

About five students are feared dead in Akwa Ibom State and scores of others injured in the process of sharing the largesse given to them by Governor Godswill Akpabio to secure their support.

The students became agitated when they perceived that state government officials supposedly from the protocol unit of the Government House responsible for coordinating the money sharing exercise had hijacked some of the money promised.

N1000 was being shared to each of the over 3000 persons that were gathered, when a bus drove in and sporadic shooting ensued. The money was carted away by the intruders.

The Students’ Union President of UniUyo, Comrade Essien Udoma confirmed that scores of students have been hospitalized but could not confirm where the dead were taken.

The state Police commissioner, Mr. Sani Magaji confirmed that the police were called in to restore calm as the students began rioting over the incident. But he added that operatives did not fire live rounds at the students to quell the riot. Instead tear gas canisters and dud rounds were fired.

Students, drawn from the University of Uyo, Akwa Ibom State Polytechnic, Ikot Osurua, Uyo City Polytechnic and the Akwa Ibom State College of Education, Afaha Nsit had gathered at the Government House on the invitation of the state governor who wanted their support in the April governorship election.

 

It was gathered that over 2000 fresh graduates of the state had converged at the Ibom Hall grounds as the governor had promised them cash and immediate employment if he gets their support come April.

In their reaction to the incident, the wily predators - that's the Akwa Ibom State government - banned all solidarity visits and political rallies to the governor’s office by prey and the clueless till further notice or when cannon fodder is required again. 

We are all responsible for the choices we make in life and live (or die) by the consequences.

CELEBRATING MORAL DECADENCE

In many churches, Palm Sunday is celebrated by the distribution of palm leaves (often tied into crosses) to the assembled worshippers.

It marks the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. According to the Gospels, on this momentous occasion, Jesus rode a donkey that had never been ridden. His disciples placed their cloaks on it, so as to make it more comfortable. As Jesus rode into Jerusalem, the people there lay down their cloaks in front of him, and also lay down small branches of trees. The people sang (part of Psalm 118) - ...Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord. Blessed is the coming kingdom of our Father.

The recent fanfare and jubilation marking the triumphant return of Olabode George from prison, by his followers and the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) loyalists, assumed overflowing and euphoric dimensions, almost as much as the celebrated entry of Jesus into Jerusalem.

Media advertisements by supporters, family members and well-wishers, heralded the release of the man described by the party faithful as “The Lion Heart.”

Chief Olabode George being the humble and modest man that he is, rather than ride a donkey into town, emerged from jail clad in a white agbada, and rode into town in a 2010 black Toyota Prado SUV while some of his entourage rode in commercial buses chartered by party loyalists.

He was received by hundreds of praise singers, political associates and supporters who turned the event into a carnival of sorts. The surging crowd of supporters wore uniform cloaks or Asoebi which are Nigerian outfits made from matching fabric, worn by a group of people to a party, wedding, or funeral. The uniform Asoebi also identifies the particular group of wearers. The crowd waved PDP flags along the way like palm leaves. Bode George, who was in high spirit, acknowledged the greetings with a victory sign.

Mr. George’s teeming crowd of supporters sang his praises like the Psalmist. Some of them wore T-shirts proclaiming him the ‘Joseph of our time,' and 'Mandela of our time.' Apparently riding on the crest of the overwhelming welcome, Bode George said he was ready to lead his party to future electoral victories.

He later rode in a convoy of vehicles to the Cathedral Church of Christ, Marina, Lagos for a thanksgiving service amidst effusive praises. It was reported that with him were the 12 chosen disciples that went everywhere with him. Notably present were Matthew and John. The chosen 12 were former President of Nigeria, Chief Matthew Aremu Olusegun Obasanjo, the Minister of the Environment, John Odeh; General Tunji Olurin, the Ogun State Governor, Otunba Gbenga Daniel, Ayo Fayose, a senatorial aspirant and former governor of Ekiti State, Mrs. Modinot Adedibu, Oyo State Deputy Governor, Alhaji Taofeek Arapaja, Defence Minister, Mr. Adetokunbo Ademola, Dr. Adegboyega Dosunmu, Ambassador Musiliu Obanikoro, Chief Raymond Dokpesi and General Tajudeen Olarewaju.

Bode George is an ex-convict. A competent court convicted him on several criminal counts of fraud, over inflation of contracts and money laundering amongst others while he was Chairman, Board of the Nigerian Ports Authority (NPA) and was sentenced to prison for two years. He has served his time and should, like any other jailbird, be accepted and re-integrated into society.

But what was the carnival all about? Political sentiments aside, it created unnecessary road traffic and pandemonium. There were even recorded incidents of fighting and hooliganism. Pickpockets disposed passersby of their valuables in the melee. This should have been a sober moment for the “celebrant”.

On the back of this celebration, opposition parties have questioned the sincerity of the ruling party and present administration in tackling the corruption monster.  They posit that they are sending wrong signals to the society with such fanfare. They decried it as appalling that mind-boggling stealing while holding public office is now accepted as normal and deserving of celebration after the "slap on the wrist" jail time.

The opposition parties contend that societal values have sunk to abysmal depths and that the entire show was a celebration of moral decadence. They also express surprise that the Defence Minister, Mr. Adetokunbo Ademola, even with the various flashpoints across the country, has time for such frolicking. They are even more astonished that he was sent as a representative of the President, Goodluck Jonathan.

With the April general elections looming, people are interested in the strategy the Lion Heart, party stalwart, ex-convict and former South-West vice chairman of the PDP intends adopting to lead his party to victory. If only he will heed the advice of the presiding priest at his thanksgiving service, Venerable Tayo Aduloju. The priest had warned politicians against corruption, saying that greed brings trouble.

Wise words spoken by the priest but will a Nigerian politician abide by such counsel after such overwhelming welcome and mammoth expectations in his political capacity to deliver?

WEATHER AND DISPOSITION

 

In every nationality group, people differ from individual to individual. But it is possible, however, to mention certain characteristic which in general describes the common disposition among the people of a country or region. Such prevalent attitude and practice is why others often suffer culture shock when they move between geographic regions or locations.

Having just arrived Nigeria from South Africa, my thoughts are probably the flight of fancy of a jet lagged imagination but I'm thinking that the weather influences the social rules and customs of nationalities more than we acknowledge. How warm and inviting the people are, service in hotels and restaurants, hostile or friendly reception at the airports or other gateways, are largely influenced by the cool, humid or crappy nature of the weather. Which is why timing of visits can be critical.

My remarks are generalizations and there are many cultures within nationalities whose values and behavior differ significantly.

Within this context, the often observed and commented aloofness of the British, for instance, may have something to do with their unpredictable weather. That chilling coldness might be weather induced and not intended to be rude behaviour.

My remarks are based on personal experience rather than any scientific research. I'm seriously considering, from my travels, that there is a correlation between the weather of a region or country and the prevalent moods, emotions and culture of the people. The weather, clearly and greatly, influences the optimism, expectations, social and economic activities of a region. Could the weather report or forecast then indicate what mood we will also find the people? This could prove to be a useful advance warning tool before one goes visiting and could improve cross-cultural communication and interactions. It could also improve empathy where cultural differences arise.

Some unusual cultures may also be better understood. Why did the Eskimos (Greenland) give out their wives to male guests for their entertainment during visits (wife-lending) and engage in spouse exchange? Legend has it that if a guest was offered the host's wife, it was usually implicit that the host would have access to the guest's wife at some point in the future (wife-sharing). Could it be a weather induced need to provide additional warmth or according to some accounts, the act was a ritual supposedly to achieve good weather and hunting conditions? Weather connections again?

The northern region of Nigeria has an arid climate with a harsh topography. Desert encroachment is a real threat and an ongoing challenge. You will observe, generally speaking of course, that the often tall and beautiful inhabitants of northern Nigeria appear more austere in their lifestyle and resistant to embracing other influences and cultures than their southern Nigerian counterparts. The Boko Haram sect has taken this resistance to the extreme in recent times, with their unacceptable violent and bloody agitation. They have made their stand known in no uncertain terms.

Friendliness, just like the dress sense and the diet of a people seems to reflect their topography and the warmth, unpredictability or serenity of their weather. Bright sunny days engender happy moods and warm feelings.

Temperatures in the city of Johannesburg, South Africa are usually fairly mild due to the city's high altitude. I arrived in the Rainbow nation at about 5.45am on a South African Airways flight. The throng of passengers milled around the airport counters indicated for those with African passports for clearance. The reception we received, not surprisingly, was as chilly as the weather. The immigration officers acted contemptuously and we were treated like slimy earthworms that had crawled out of rotten crevices.  They yawned unhappily from being awake at break of dawn to do their jobs. We were also yawning because we were tired from the long flight. But this common yawning ground earned us no points. It brought no bonding and cut no ice with our hosts. They seemed irritable and ordered us about from one queue to another. Unceremoniously, the officers behind the counters will suddenly close shop after attending to a person or two and take a walk around the airport. The walk might have been to keep warm but was interpreted differently by the visitors judging from the growing frustration etched on our faces.

We kept moving from one unwelcome counter to another until we were eventually cleared to enter the country.

Right from the point of entry into Johannesburg, one encounters a city full of diverse cultures, people and sights. A heaving metropolis of undulating valleys, range of hills and well-defined swinging hips - moving, it seemed, from one swinging attraction to another. Gradually the eyes grow accustomed to the everyday reality of the hills and valleys and constantly rolling backsides of the South African women.

But was their cold reception and hostile attitude weather influenced? I've been to Johannesburg a number of times and I often get this chilly reception at some point of my stay. Either at the sprawling shopping malls, hotels or at the airport. It might be argued that the weather has nothing to do with people radiating a positive or negative spirit or energy. It may even be suggested that my experiences could have arisen from the baggage that comes with carrying the Nigerian green passport (our reputation), or perhaps my disarming and charming looks or lack of it - depending on the beholder (my identity), or my personal disposition (attitude) or even my reading of deeper meanings into simple human behaviour that sometimes may swing like a yoyo based on factors other than weather.

But the differences in weather and the impact on attitude is better appreciated when our reception on arrival at the Murtala Mohammed International Airport, Lagos, is contrasted with that of the O.R. Tambo International Airport in Johannesburg.

The city of Lagos is densely populated and often has an oppressive heat. Lagosians often appear harried - possibly running from the heat. There is a palpable  air of frenzy and the pace of life seems rushed almost causing dizziness. It is sometimes chaotic, induced in all likelihood by the sweltering condition. The airport officials are often friendly but almost in your face and you sense they are sometimes just a tad too friendly, possibly they want something? Yes, they usually won't mind "something". You hear expressions like:

"Oga, anything for weekend?"

"Madam, anything for the boys?"

"Your boys are here, sir. We're the ones securing this place!"

We arrived at the Lagos international airport at about 8.40pm and to my embarrassment and utter confusion, we were advised that a ramp (the movable staircase for entering or leaving the cabin door of the airplane) could not be found! Perhaps the oppressive heat affects the brain and creates such disorderliness and chaos? Just like the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) Direct Data Capture machines, the ramp had simply disappeared from the airport. Bizarre things certainly happen in the oppressive heat.

We waited on board the plane for what appeared like eternity before a makeshift ramp that didn't quite align with the door was arranged for us to disembark.

Can one conclusively say then that nice weather breeds nice people? The weather, our disposition, missing ramps and well-defined rolling hips - is there some correlation? Of course, one can't rule out individual exceptions whatever the weather brings.

Perhaps I should just quarantine my travel thoughts which possibly are impacted by jet lag and the sudden changes in weather?

Anthony J. D'Angelo however advises that, "Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine."