EGYPT AND TUNISIA ISNT HAPPENING HERE YET

 

It may be simplistic to aver that the events in Egypt and Tunisia will now happen in Nigeria. My take, sad as it is, is that the ripple effects of those events won't necessarily take root here. Our climate isn't ripe for it. And it isn't because Nigerian youths are all cowards, chicken or lily-livered. Do the Boko Haram and MEND militants appear pusillanimous? These youths willingly put their lives on the line in their violent agitation.

The reason the mass revolts won't happen in Nigeria is because of our culture of avarice and corruption, our sham religiousity, ethnic and religious cleavages.

Nigerians are deeply polarized along ethnic and religious lines. These cleavages do not allow for a common front or unity in dealing issues of common interests. There is a huge distrust and it is passed down from generation to generation. A heavy baggage of deep seated prejudices, mistrust and bias regarding our fellow countrymen. We have derogatory and insulting names for other tribes and religions within our own inner circles which we delight in affirming at every opportunity. We often play the ethnicity card. Viewing events from a pair of tribally tinted glasses which we refuse to adjust. The animosity we carry in our hearts for other tribes is like a simmering cauldron of deeply seated emotions which frequently boils over in fights between groups: Ife and Modakeke, Ijaw and Itsekiri, settlers and indigenes in Jos, Hausa and Igbos, Christians and Moslems claiming thousands of lives. It is estimated that about 218 people are murdered in senseless killings in Jos in one month!

The Niger Delta environmental degradation and sundry issues, for instance, do not evoke much sympathy from other regions of the country. It isn't their problem even if the oil wealth of the nation has turned the region to a wasteland.

Nigerians have also earned a reputation as the happiest people on earth. There is the suffering and smiling mentality as Fela Anikulapo Kuti sang about. We believe it will "somehow" get better one day. One day it will be our turn to “chop” too or our children's turn. If not, something supernatural will happen to change the tide. Note that our often envisaged change is not necessarily by our effort but usually by some miraculous spiritual means that does not need our input. We also have the reputation of being one of the most corrupt people on earth. A confounding paradox. A highly religious and highly corrupt people!

Therein lies our inability to build the critical mass necessary for the revolts in Egypt and Tunisia or even move forward as a country in any positive direction. We just do not have the right soil to sow the seeds of such revolutions or mass revolts. It is usually every man, religion or tribe to his own tent. Even the coalition permutations and voting alliances in the forthcoming elections are tinged by such considerations.

We can't rule it out completely in the distant future though. A time when the citizens will arise and with one voice speak up against tyranny and bad governance. But a lot of work on achieving true nationhood, such as mass enlightenment to provoke attitudinal change and integration of our body polity will have to be done. There is a need to bridge our cleavages and arrest our confounding paradoxes.

2011: WHY THE NEW BREED POLITICIANS WON’T WIN

Globally, we have witnessed a trend of a younger generation of vibrant and charismatic people emerging as world leaders – Prime Ministers and Presidents of their countries.

David William Donald Cameron is the youngest UK Prime Minister in nearly 200 years. At the age of 43, Cameron became the youngest British Prime Minister since the Earl of Liverpool 198 years earlier. Barack Hussein Obama, born in 1961, is the 44th and current President of the United States.

The Nigerian political firmament has also felt the ripples of this emerging global trend. A new generation of young Nigerian politicians and their growing legion of supporters have engaged the political landscape in recent times with debates and the clamour for a change of guard. Some have even been successfully nominated as the Presidential flag bearers of a number of opposition political parties. These include Mallam Nuhu Ribadu (Action Congress of Nigeria), Pat Utomi (Social Democratic Mega Party), Dele Momodu (National Conscience Party) and Kris Okotie (Fresh Democratic Party).

These patriotic and possibly well meaning Nigerians have presented themselves as candidates to serve their fatherland. One salutes their courage and resilience in pushing the frontiers for this change initiative. But sadly this is not the first outing to clinch the top job by a number of them. Some have seemingly been turning around on the same spot in a series of motions without movement over the years. This scenario calls for introspection and reevaluation of tactics. Is it that the time for the desired change has not yet come? Have the new breed politicians taking a wrong fork in the road? Are they sowing seeds in the wrong soil? Or these are not the players for the expected transformation?

The difference between the old and new brigade are conceptualized in the professed ideologies and politics of progressive ideas of the new breed political gladiators rather than money bag politics, their touted integrity and credibility rather than politics of ‘godfatherism’, and the democratic and disciplined party politics and structure compared to the selections, adoptions and impositions of the old breed political parties.

But it seems these articulated differences in the approach to politics are mere posturing. Most of the new breed politicians have emerged as flag bearers from the same undemocratic cesspit and mould of selections, adoptions and impositions in their various political parties. The touted progressive ideas and blueprints have also not been forthcoming from the new breed politicians. They’ve been regurgitating the same platitudes and empty rhetoric of the old guards. Their transformational ideas are seemingly kept in the closets of their minds and possibly revealed only to close family and friends in whispers. Some of the aspiring politicians are not visible or known beyond the cities of Lagos and possibly Abuja.

The new brigade are also polarized by personal egos rather than embracing the bond of the common cause or good of all. They do not have the funds or structures on ground like the old brigade to mount any serious opposition but rather than pool resources, blend or align their progressive idealism and mount a collective opposition, they build individual tents on shaky foundations. Also, unlike Barack Obama and David Cameron, some never started from the grassroots and may not, in all honesty, even win a local government election.

The clamour for a new direction or radical departure from the status quo in Nigerian politics will remain an illusion if the new brigade do not properly plan, position and prepare themselves. Barack Obama did not have the high visibility of Hillary Rodham Clinton during the Democratic Party presidential primaries. But he gained a steady lead in pledged delegates due to his grassroots mobilization, better long-range planning, superior fundraising, dominant organizing in caucus states and better exploitation of delegate allocation rules. Similarly, in the 2010 general election held on 6 May in the UK, the Conservatives gained a plurality of seats in a hung parliament and Cameron was appointed Prime Minister on 11 May 2010, at the head of a coalition between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats.

Our new breed politicians need to reevaluate their tactics and step up their game by forming stronger alliances and coalitions. They can borrow a leaf from the electioneering and coalition strategies of both Obama and Cameron. They need to unveil their roadmap and convince the electorate in a language they can comprehend. They need to demonstrate to Nigerians that this is a change they can believe in and how they intend taking us from where we are to where we ought to be. For them to achieve the seemingly impossible task of dislodging the old brigade, they have to offer a better alternative in terms of ideas, have a united front and mount an extraordinary challenge.

As things are currently, the new brigade often make you wonder if they were half-awake when they made their political declarations or if the ritual is deliberately embarked upon to provide comic relief to long suffering Nigerians.

ERECTIONS AND DEMOLITIONS

It is arguably wise counsel never to argue with a total idiot. The major reason being that people can't tell the difference between you and the idiot during such arguments. If you were smart, you should know an idiot would demolish or get the better of you in an argument because he follows no rules and makes you wallow in the state of idiocy with him.

You're probably wondering who an idiot is. And why any human being will be labeled an idiot? The recurring Jos crisis is a pointer to the various levels of idiocy, man's inhumanity to man and the abysmal depths of gross incompetence. But we must give credit to whom it is due. It was OBJ, probably drawing on his military background and animal husbandry experience, having encountered varying degrees of idiocy from both man and beast, who pointed out the different levels of idiocy.

According to the veteran, there are idiots and then there are total idiots. Apart from "I dey kampe", "I dey laugh o!", and "I still dey laugh o!" This was another expression bequeathed to us by the Ota farmer and the PDP endorsed father of modern Nigeria. In case you missed that epoch-making event, the honor and grand title of "the father of modern Nigeria" was the major accomplishment and highlight of the August 28, 2006 meeting of the National Executive Council of the People’s Democratic Party in Abuja.

An idiot seemingly has some redeeming qualities but a total idiot is a cooked goose.

During one of the turbulent peaks of the Jos carnage when Baba was still president, (presiding over the country directly and not by proxy) OBJ in a fit or "feet" of anger at a stakeholders meeting, waved aside the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) as "CAN, my foot!" He went on to describe the Plateau State Chairman of the association (Rev. Yakubu Pam) as a "total idiot."

"You are an idiot. A total idiot. And I have no apologies for that," said an infuriated Obasanjo.

The Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is facing investigation involving underage prostitution. It is alleged that he had sex with an underaged prostitute and then attempted to cover it up.

Berlusconi, the 74-year-old Italian premier, is suspected by authorities of abusing his power in an attempt to cover up alleged encounter with Karima El Mahroug, a Moroccan belly dancer who also goes by the name Ruby Rubacuori. Ruby, who is also known as Ruby the Heartstealer, was 17 at the time of the alleged encounter. You probably need to see the belly dancer performing to understand why she is called the Heartstealer.

The Prime Minister has publicly denied any wrongdoing in the case. He said he has never paid for sex, while admitting that he is "no saint." He accused the media, judicial machinations and his political opponents, in a fit of anger, as going too far this time in their smear campaign. If only he had followed closely the incidents of the Jos crisis, he should have just described the media, the judiciary and his political opponents as complete or total idiots and cease further arguments with them.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this previously but do kindly bear with me if I'm repeating myself. It is an issue of a personal nature. Lately, I've been thinking about an erection. It has been constantly on my mind. The way Atiku or Buhari probably dreams constantly about winning the presidency race and occupying Aso Rock Villa. I'm not sure whether to build or buy - the erection that is. It is a bit of a dilemma.

I'm thinking of the erection of a house. Should I build or buy? Have you any personal experience or counsel on this matter? A total idiot might argue that it is the same erections and demolitions that the Italian PM was accused of paying for or buying from Ruby the Heartstealer by the media and his political opponents. But I won't be drawn into that argument.

SHALLOW POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS AND CANDIDATES

Perhaps nothing illustrates more painfully and tragically the paucity of ideas of those aspiring for political office in the land, than the current run of shallow and poorly conceptualized media campaigns.

It is a rarity to find any idea-driven or intellectually stimulating political campaign where the candidate explains to the electorate the road map for taking them from where they are now to where they ought to be.

John C. Maxwell describes a leader as one who knows the way, goes the way and SHOWS THE WAY.

Current political campaigns do not articulate the way forward. There are no clear electoral manifestos, blueprint or road map. The aspirants do not detail how they intend inspiring or stirring us to greatness or lifting us out of the present quagmire. Gene Mauch posits that you can't lead anyone further than you have gone yourself.

Some of the political campaigns border on the hilarious. Rather than present a clear and concise blueprint, politicians indulge in showing us pictures they took (crass opportunism?) with celebrated world leaders and celebrities. The pictures show them having handshakes with the likes of Barack Obama or standing next to Hilary Clinton at a public function. How do these pictures translate to a concrete plan for transforming the economy or turning around the tide of slippage?

In a desperate mix of religion and politics, popular campaign slogans include: "God's finger at work!", "God's choice for Nigeria!", and "Messianic call!"

Some politicians take the religious gamble further by attending conventions and conferences and congregate at the feet of popular clergymen for endorsement. This is mixing religion and politics in an unsavoury, combustible and despicable manner.

Politicians play on the gullibility of the largely ignorant public. But by their political campaigns, credentials, pedigree and previous accomplishments, we can separate the wheat from the chaff.

Political aspirants can be likened to job applicants seeking employment. Aspirants should rightly campaign about their achievements and the transformation they intend bringing to the polity. We need more idea-driven, robust debates.
We cannot achieve the historic and revolutionary transformations that occurred in Malaysia, Indonesia and China without a mental and attitudinal change in our approach to politics and the calibre of aspirants seeking the mandate of the people.

It took us a while to get to this sorry state. It might also take some time to clean out the mess. The culture of avarice and corruption is deeply woven into our national fabric. Our values require a total transformation. To achieve this will require sincere and courageous leadership. We need to call forth great leaders. According to Tallyrand, a French diplomat, the only safe ship in a storm is leadership. We need leaders who can inspire us to be what we know we could be. It will also require more activism and less docility from the populace. We need to ask questions of our leaders and political office aspirants. The power to question is the basis of all human progress – Indira Ghandi.

NIGERIAN STARS AND BLACK HOLES - 2010

It is heart-warming to note that the renowned global financial intelligence magazine, The Banker, a publication of the Financial Times of London, has conferred on the Governor, Central Bank of Nigeria, CBN, Mallam Sanusi Lamido Sanusi double awards.

The awards are the Central Bank Governor of the year for the entire world and that of the African continent.

The Banker is the definitive publication that provides guide to bank ratings and analysis globally and the definitive reference in international banking.

A big shame to the Nigerian National Assembly that recently attempted to browbeat this hero of our time for daring to speak the truth to their faces.

Sanusi Lamido Sanusi deserves the accolades and recognition. In a year the country experienced a dearth of positive and authentic role models, he stood up to be counted as a beacon of hope. He inspired many with his courage and bold banking reform initiatives.

We sank so low in our search for authentic role models in 2010 that the searchlight was beamed on winners of self-debasing, poorly conceptualized and articulated reality shows. These reality shows in which the contestants, for some prize money, were paraded like animals in a zoo often included bouts of alcohol binging, depraved and immoral conducts.
The winners of these shows became our "stars" and celebrities. That's how low we sank.

A gale of accusations and allegations of improper conduct and poor performance also swept away some erstwhile "role models" in 2010 - Amos Adamu, Philip Emeagwali and the Super Eagles. The National Assembly was busy during the year consuming 25 per cent of federal spending and snoring away when their attention was needed on urgent national issues.

Jonah Jang, governor of Plateau State was busy wringing his hands helplessly while the citizens were slaughtered and bombed in droves. Dora Akunyili was more concerned that Naija as an abbreviation was the major challenge facing the Nigerian nation. Our contingent to the Commonwealth Games in India set personal records for failing drug tests. They almost matched the JAMB/WAEC failure rate.

Kudos to the Super Falcons and Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, among others, for standing up to be counted as positive role models with their stellar performances in 2010! They put smiles on our faces and restored some measure of hope that we still have standard bearers, patriotic men and women of virtue to point the nation in the right direction.

CONVERSATIONS OVERHEARD DURING MY SURGERY

 My hands still sometimes hurt. They were pricked endlessly in the frantic search for veins to insert the intravenous feeds. At a point the hands became painfully swollen. I was  admitted in the hospital for ten days. For five out of those ten days I was on IV feed.

I had been diagnosed with appendicitis which required immediate surgery. I overheard some interesting conversations as I lay helpless on the operating table. Some of these dialogues would have been hilarious if not that I was the one awaiting surgery.
 
Surgeon: Nurse, is that working? Is it properly inserted?
Nurse: No, it isn't.
She goes to check and then screams. "Oh my God! What have I done now?"

Surgeon: What's that? (In a shocked tone). He probes deeply and painfully with a gloved finger.
Nurse: It looks hard.
Surgeon: It looks bad!

Surgeon: I thought I asked you not to open that?
Nurse: I didn’t open it.
Surgeon: But I can see that it is now open?
Nurse: it just opened somehow.

Me: Please, where are you going to insert that? (The surgeon is holding a frightful looking syringe and approaching menacingly)
Surgeon: In the open wound by your side.
Me: No way! (I leap off the operating table with pans and hospital equipment flying about)

I had taken just about enough jabs of pain, stabs of pain, flashes and pricks of pain. I had gone through just about the entire gamut of human pain and misery. But the medical personnel  still had their way. And I'm thankfully back on wobbly but getting stronger feet.

THE ADVENTURES OF SARAH PALIN

You’ve most likely heard of Lady Gaga? What of Mama Grizzly? Or Lady Blunder? No? Well, I’ll bring you up to speed. John McCain brought Mama Grizzly or Lady Blunder also known as Sarah Palin to national limelight when he picked her as the GOP's first female vice presidential nominee.

They were pitted against Democratic Party candidate Barack Obama in the United States of America 2008 presidential elections. I’m not sure why anyone gives Lady Blunder the time of the day let alone a microphone to air her gaffes! The media hype and circus around her just like Paris Hilton, leaves me puzzled, considering the social blunders and tactless remarks they bring to the table.


A colleague of mine described Sarah Palin’s nomination in 2008 as a masterstroke. I wasn’t convinced it was a masterstroke. But arguing with this colleague is akin to having a conversation with the deaf. So, I let him be while shaking my head in disagreement. Palin had been governor of Alaska before her nomination.


My colleague’s ‘profound’ reasoning was that since Obama didn’t pick Senator Hilary Clinton for his running mate (he chose Joe Biden instead) it was a politically deft move for McCain to have picked a woman as his running mate. Events were later to prove this was more of a death knell or ‘death stroke’ for the McCain camp.


The Obama camp questioned Sarah Paling’s complete lack of experience in international politics and some politicians even questioned how this woman could fill the vacant seat of the nation’s President should McCain die during his term, given that he was already in the evening of his life at over 72 years old. And this was the point at which Sarah Palin began her misadventures and gaffes. She and the Republican camp countered this ridicule of her lack of foreign experience with the claim that her home state of Alaska is near Russia and gives her experience in Russian affairs. Really? This faux pas was only the intro of more blunders to come.

Her slip of the tongue has achieved legendary status. In a recent live radio interview, Sarah Palin mistakenly called N. Korea an "Ally" of the United States. What? No way! In this interview, Palin twice referred to North Korea as America's ally and urged President Obama to firmly demonstrate the alliance.


One might even have missed the first gaffe, had she not said just seconds after the first slip uttered: "Obviously, we gotta stand with our North Korean allies." What?


Upon hearing that, the popular conservative host Glenn Beck immediately interjected, "South Korea."

But a star has been born. Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, emerged as the star of America when she accepted to be John McCain’s running mate at the 2008 Republican National Convention in St. Paul, Minnesota. The American public and media have seemingly not had enough of her since then.

“American Idol" is a reality television competition to find new solo singing talent and entertains millions of viewers all over the world, but not Sarah Palin.


In excerpts from her recently released memoir, "America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith, and Flag," the former vice-presidential candidate slams the reality show for hosting what she refers to as "talent deprived" contestants. Wow, this Lady Blunder doesn’t pull her punches!


"Did you ever wonder where the producers of 'American Idol' come up with the seemingly endless supply of people who can't sing but are deluded enough to get in front of a national television audience and screech out a song anyway?" Palin asks in the book.


You may think then that Lady Blunder would not allow her children participate in such talent hunts or talent exhibition shows for talent deprived people? Yet Palin’s daughter Bristol Palin is currently on the reality show "Dancing With the Stars," and she goes on to say that those unqualified contestants who appear on "Idol" are "victims of the cult of self-esteem."


"No one they've encountered in their lives — from their parents to their teachers to their president — wanted them to feel bad by hearing the truth," she writes. "So they grew up convinced they could become big pop stars like Michael Jackson."


In a strange twist, a Wisconsin man angry at the success of Bristol Palin on "Dancing with the Stars" blasted his TV with a shotgun as she waltzed her way into the program's finals. Just the way Sarah Palin is upset at the talent deprived contestants of American Idol, some don’t believe her daughter deserves getting to the finals of "Dancing with the Stars" and aren’t happy about it. The Wisconsin man named Steven Cowan decided to blast his television to smithereens because just like Sarah Palin he couldn’t stand to see a victim of the cult of self-esteem move up the ranks of the ABC competition.

 Despite a history of dismal performances and low scores from the judges; Bristol Palin advanced to the show's semi-finals on the strength of viewers' votes, which ultimately decide the contestants' fates.

Sarah Palin is amazingly considered to be the favourite for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination. She also rivals the charming and eloquent Barack Obama in poll popularity.

Strange things do happen in America. Selflessly and out of the magnanimity of her heart, the former half-term Alaska governor said she "would offer [herself] up in the name of service to the public" and run for President in two years if "nobody else wanted to step up" during a recent interview on Fox News.

It will however take more than her current 'Mama Grizzlies' Video, encouraging conservative women to become more active, to shake my perception of her and her foot in the mouth politics.